You Know You're In the Philippines When...

1. The Freshmen "bake sale" sells sushi.
2. You have to explain to your students exactly why the French Revolutionaries cared so much about bread prices. (As in, "it's their rice.")
3. You find yourself singing along to "Feliz Navidad" on the radio, and it's only September 29th.
4. You've seen fights break out over the correct karaoke rendition of "My Way."
   
5. You realize what the rest of the developing world has known for a long time: rear-view mirrors are for wussies.
6. You also learn that the real secret to driving here is the Jedi mind trick: "This is not the lane you're looking for. I am now free to pull in front of you."
   
7. Shoulder? Hell, that's just another lane. Best one for passing, too.
   
8. Your employer requires that you have a cell phone so they can text you when school's canceled due to flooding.
9. Oh yeah, I almost forgot...the streets flood. Your stupid photographer friends almost kill themselves trying to get the best picture of the raging whitewater rapids. Their even stupider photographer friends throw in both ends of the rope in the dumbest water rescue in history.
   
10. Don't worry, you'll know when you're here. It's that wall of hot, humid air you hit immediately outside the airport. To quote the immortal words of Tom Hanks in Volunteers: "We must be a mile from the sun."